For Farts, Scams, Cheese and a Very Bald Head, Scroll Down A Bit!
Because firstly, I have to say I’m trying something different with this blog. Instead of a standard itinerary (like my Malaysia blog) or rambling day-by-day narration (like my Raja Ampat blog), I thought I’d do a hybrid – or at least give it a go!
Hopefully, by the end, you’ll have a decent idea of what to do and where to do it – plus a generous dose of rambling nonsense. Let’s see how it goes!
I Did a Thing!
I must be going a bit mad with all this blogging because I actually opened PowerPoint and took the time to make a map! Not a good one, though – be warned. I’ve not lost quite enough marbles to spend more than half an hour on it.
As Brits, on arrival we bought 30-day visas, but could only use 24 days due to prior commitments. I’ll touch on how we might have spent those extra six days later! On the map, you can see how we spent our 24 days in Cambodia, including transport modes. The locations are numbered in the order we visited, but feel free to mix things up! Also, private taxis are available everywhere; they’re faster, but much pricier.
Getting Around in Cambodia
Here’s a quick rundown of what to expect from Cambodia’s transport options.
Road Quality: Generally not great. While newer highways exist around the capital, most roads can only offer slow, bone-shaking journeys.
Buses: Local buses are overbooked, smelly, and often full of mosquitos. But sometimes, they’re the only option if you’re short on time. If you plan ahead, you can usually find private bus companies that are much nicer – ‘Vireak Buntham‘ is one to look out for.
Trains: Surprisingly decent! The rail network is small but handy for getting between Sihanoukville, Phnom Penh, and Battambang. Economy class is cheap and perfectly comfortable.
Boats: Speedboats run regularly between the mainland and islands. They’re well established and easy to book, but brace yourself for a bumpy ride. Affordable and comfortable riverboats are also available for routes like Phnom Penh to Vietnam (which is how we left Cambodia, and I highly recommend it).
About Those Extra Days…
Although I do think our route was pretty thorough, but there were a few places still have me wondering, “what if…?”
Koh Ta Kiev: Another southeast Asian idyllic island, a little further east than the two Rongs and a little less visited. It’s a bit trickier to reach and has fewer options once you’re there, which is why we chose Samloem instead. But everyone we met who had been there raved about it. I suspect it hasn’t yet suffered too badly from controversial ‘improvements’ to tourism infrastructure that you see on the more popular islands (AKA: massive deforestation).
Virachey National Park: Way up in the northeast, it’s quite far from Cambodia’s main attractions. Thanks to the abundance of terrible roads, getting there means sacrificing a lot of time on a bus or in car. People we met who made the trek there spoke very highly of it, and truthfully, we were very torn between visiting here or Chi Phat.
Tonle Sap: This enormous lake can be visited in multiple ways – many go from Siem Reap, while others stay along its shores. Its sheer size, birdlife, and authentic local communities make it worth considering, and it’s easy to plan in since it lays right between Phnom Penh and Siem Reap.
OK, Information Dump Complete
I should mention that while all of the above is true, Cambodia has a well-trodden backpacker route. We visited in high season, and no matter how deep we ventured down narrow, rubble-dost roads, there was always at least one other traveller doing the same… Often looking just as lost.
So don’t let the dodgy infrastructure, stinking buses, or questionable rafts put you off. Getting around isn’t hard – ‘12go.com’ is easy and reliable, and ‘Grab’ works in big cities and even some provincial towns.
Now, all that’s left to do is ramble on about some of Cambodia’s surprises… Some good, some great, and… well, some less great ones. But one thing’s for sure: they were all memorable!
The Top 8
1. The Welcome Scam
Even once over the border, it turns out that being close to Thailand means the tourist traps and scams can still get you! Our journey there was flawless – ‘Boonsiri’ did a stellar job – but once we arrived, everything went downhill.
As with many Southeast Asian border crossings, especially smaller ones, the place was a communication vacuum. No signs, no instructions, and no clear walkways – just a guarantee that you’ll get it wrong somehow. The usual approach in these situations, is to form an orderly gaggle of tourists and then bumble around until a security guard yells at you!
This eventually led us to a tin-roofed, concrete veranda attached to an office. I’m not sure how it works, but at some point, someone appeared, demanded our passports, then disappeared inside the office. A while later, they reappeared and summoned us in, where we were charged $35 for a 30-day Visa. Having spoken to people, you can expect to pay anywhere from $30 to $50, depending who’s shift it is.
Then, we were unceremoniously spat out into Cambodia with no clue what to do next. There was a bus service counter – or rather, a man at a concrete table next to a stall selling fizzy drinks and dried fish, where we bought a bus ticket. They told us to wait. So we did… We waited and waited…
Eventually, we discovered that the bus was full and had already left. We never even saw it arrive! Oh, and of course, it was the last one of the day. With no Grab, no Uber, and no tuk-tuks at the border, we were left with one option: the conveniently parked private taxi a few metres away. Well, $45 and a few hours later, we safely arrived at our destination, where we met another couple who’d had exactly the same experience the day before…
2. Hornbillions
I’d been thrilled to spot one or two hornbills in Indonesia and downright ecstatic to see a handful in Langkawi. But in Cambodia, I nearly soiled myself while watching an entire flock of them fly overhead. I didn’t even know they flew in groups! Over the course of a week, we saw hundreds – mostly at a distance, but on one occasion, very close up.
At the time, I was suffering on Koh Rong, launching rivers of lurid green snot from my nose with every cough and sneeze. It was all I could do to half-heartedly read a Lonely Planet book, while sweating profusely in a hammock. But eventually, boredom and frustration got the better of me, and I commanded my feeble body to go on a hike across the island – and I’m glad I did!
I stumbled upon a group of hornbills hopping and flitting around a tree. Excited, I quietly blew my nose into my shirt (as one does), and edged closer. I got within just a few meters – the closest I’d ever been – when suddenly, a dog came bounding toward me playfully, looking for some fuss.
The hornbills scattered instantly, reabsorbing into the surrounding dense canopy.
Disappointed, I turned to give the dog a scratch, only to spot a group of six birdwatchers some way behind me, sullenly packing up their camp chairs and packing binoculars away. One older gentleman simply stared at me, shook his head, and sighed.
Whoops… At least I got a nice close-up shot!
3. A Cave With a Surprise
We’ve done a lot of caves in our time, even some very recently in Malaysia, but none quite as unexpected as Phnom Chhngok Cave in Kampot!
While touring Bo Tree Pepper Farm (highly recommend, by the way), we met a lively group of older ladies who had just come from the cave. They raved about it, gave us an in-depth history lesson on the temple inside, and offered a small warning about the steps leading down to it. Since we had a moped and some time, we figured we might as well check it out.
The surprises started at the ticket counter, which had no change at all – perhaps they just hope people won’t ask for any…? One of the guys had to give me a lift on his moped to a random wooden shack a few hundred meters away, home to a woman with a giant canvas bag of scrunched-up old banknotes. It took her a solid 15 minutes just to find and flatten the ones I needed.
With that sorted, we entered the cave with a guide who had very limited English. There were quite a few stairs leading down, but not as bad as the ladies at the pepper farm had made it sound. The cave itself was small and unremarkable, as was the tiny, ancient temple inside.
A little disappointed, we thought that was the end of it.
But it was not.
The guide suddenly crouched and scurried through a tiny crack in the rock, then motioned for us to follow. We looked at each other, rather taken aback.
“I guess he didn’t take the old ladies down here then!”
From that moment, our cave temple tour visit turned into poorly lit spelunking. We slid deeper into the dark, squeezing between rocks we knew we wouldn’t be able to climb back up. Eventually, Mary-Ann start snickering to herself, but it quickly turned into an eerie, slightly hysterical cackle. I recognised the sound right away, she was well on her way to a meltdown…
Mercifully, the cave gods were kind that day. Five minutes later, we spotted a beam of light through a particularly small gap. Mary-Ann and the guide wriggled through just fine, but it was not so easy for me! It felt like I had to practically pop a shoulder out to make it through!
4. ‘Phenomenal Penitentiary’
When I told a friend I was in Phnom Penh, Cambodia’s capital, he somehow thought I was talking about a particularly good prison and abbreviating it to ‘Phenom Pen’. Which, although hilarious, was wildly off the mark! Visiting the Genocide Museum (housed in a former prison) was truly horrific.
In the West, dark history and grotesque truth, is usually tamed or softened for public presentation. But, not here…
Grisly details, graphic photos are displayed for all to see – nothing was held back. Even the atmosphere held an uncomfortable unease. The place even had bats fluttering through its darkest rooms! As if the horror wasn’t tangible enough already! It was eye-opening and deeply disturbing in equal measures. But what hit me hardest, was just how recent it all was.
It didn’t stop there though. The ‘Killing Fields’ were just as harrowing, and just to complete the set, we later visited the ‘Killing Cave’ in Battambang. The whole experience was shocking, brutal, and unforgettable. It’s been seared into our minds ever since.
5. Temple Fatigue
We’ve encountered this phenomenon before, in other countries, with other sights: caves, beaches, museums… They all start to blur together after a while. So, I fully expected to hit that same wall in Siem Reap, especially after fellow tourists warned us about it.
But somehow, this time was different. We didn’t get fatigued of the temples themselves. How could we?! They’re absurdly amazing, living up to the hype and more! But what we did get, was fatigued, broken, and sickeningly exhausted.
We bought three-day passes, which didn’t have to be used consecutively, but we tried to – only lasting two! Two brutal days… We clocked over 30,000 steps each day, including a 600 step hike up a mountain, and trudging uphill through a forest. For the next week, our bodies felt like they were starting to fossilise! Aching joints, the soles of our feet felt brittle as glass, and worst of all, horrible chesty coughs from all the dust – someone needs to give the place a good hoovering!
One evening, we went to see Phare, the Cambodian circus, which was excellent. But I was so ruinously decrepit at that point, that no sooner had the lights dimmed, my eyelids turned to lead! If it weren’t for the rock-hard wooden benches and the bony shoulder of the bloke next to me, I’d have been out cold for sure.
Looking back, another way we could have used our extra visa days was by pacing ourselves in Siem Reap – spreading the temples over four days, with a rest day somewhere in between. But even as intense and exhausting as it was, visiting Angkor was without doubt the best thing we did in Cambodia. Perhaps even one of the best things we’ve done in Southeast Asia full stop – it’s popular for a reason!
6. An Impromptu Bike Ride
Kratie made it onto our itinerary for one reason; Irrawaddy dolphins – a critically endangered freshwater species. But once we arrived, we discovered that just a short boat ride across the river would take us to Kaoh Trong, a sandy little island in the middle of the Mekong. Small, easy to cycle around, and covered in fruit trees (primarily pomelo!)
So, instead of resting our sore backsides after the slightly torturous minivan ride from Phnom Penh, we hopped on the boat and went for a bike ride.
They say a change is as good as a rest, and in this case, I’d have to agree! We had a fantastic time. The island was stunningly picturesque and, somehow very zen and serene, even while pedalling in 32-degree heat!
I don’t usually associate big muddy rivers with expansive, powdery sand beaches, but this place had plenty. If you stood in the right spot, you could almost convince yourself you were in a desert, surrounded by small dunes and tumbleweed.
Don’t get me wrong – as brilliant as it was, I wouldn’t travel all the way to Kratie just to cycle around Kaoh Trong. But as a completely unexpected detour before seeing the dolphins, it was an absolutely lovely few hours, made even better with an incredible Mekong sunset to finish it off!
7. Fish Cheese
Bats were the main reason we visited Battambang. I mean, there are a few other things to see, but millions of bats pouring out of a cave at dusk was the real draw. Supposedly, around six million of them live in the cave, and it takes an hour for them all to exit in one long, meandering, black ribbon. We watched the spectacle for 20 minutes – until the light faded too much to discern them against the night sky.
Aside from that, we rode the bamboo train, which is fun (if a bit gimmicky), and did a city tour. The city tour wasn’t particularly remarkable: a temple, a few local industries like rice paper and rice wine. But the one thing truly stuck with us, was the ‘Fish Cheese’.
I can hear you asking, “What the heck is fish cheese? Is it just cheese flavoured with fish? Or does it use fish milk? Wait… do fish even produce milk?!”
Unfortunately, I am nearly no wiser than you. But, I can confirm that fish do not produce milk (although whales do…), and fish cheese does not contain any dairy whatsoever. From what I gathered, it’s basically old fish that’s ground up onto the dirty pavement, mixed around with a shovel, and then dumped into barrels to ferment… Well, they call it fermenting, I call it rotting.
Let me tell you, I’ve sniffed many types of rot in my time, so I know those vats of floor-mashed-fish were not fermenting… I’d say they were dying all over again! The smell was enough to erode the inside of my face, leaving me dizzy and detached from reality. Similar to the effect of smelling salts, except instead of intense menthol, it was pure fish death and sin.
Needless to say, I will never forget this. Not so much as a memory, but as a trauma.
8. Chi Phat… Or Should I Say Chi Fart
The idea of an overnight jungle hike in a little-known spot, with a small chance of seeing elephants and other wildlife, was too good to pass up! We didn’t see any elephants, but somehow, the experience turned out even better than we could have imagined.
We were paired with a guide and a jungle chef to lead the way and keep us fed. Our guide was a small bloke, very small actually, probably not much over 5ft and very slight. But what he lacked in stature, he made up for in ways that left me feeling utterly emasculated and weak.
Keeping up with his short strides was no problem. I could clamber over fallen trees and hop across streams at his pace. It actually took me a good few hours to realise just how superior he truly was…
At first, Mary-Ann and I simply noted that Chi Phat was a particularly smelly rainforest. We’d experienced it before; rotting leaves, swampy gases, the usual jungle stench… But then, I heard something. It was quiet, subtle, unassuming and modest. Well, until its fumy fingers clawed their way into my nasal cavity.
The decomposing leaf litter wasn’t the issue and nor was the wildlife. Our guide was why this jungle reeked!
Once I noticed it, I couldn’t un-notice it, and I heard his digestive exhausts literally every few minutes. I alerted Mary-Ann, and we swapped places so she could take the brunt for a while, but she didn’t last long. Reluctantly I reassumed my post, but I this time I had a plan. I bided my time, waiting for one loud enough to be undeniable… And eventually, it happened…
“Huh… What was that? An Elephant?” I asked.
Our guide turned, laughed, and said very honestly, “Nope. That was a fart.” Then he turned and resumed the trek as if nothing unusual had happened.
From that moment on, he didn’t even try to muffle or contain them. For 2 days, he out-farted me a hundred to one at least, and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. I was (and still am) in awe; he may have been a small man, but inside, he was a true giant!
Those Were Just a Few!
We made countless memories in Cambodia. It’s a full-on place that combines all of the authentic Southeast Asian charms with a fraction of the tourists and a vaguely unhinged feel. One minute, you’re getting scammed at the border, the next you’re marvelling at ancient temples, or swallowing back puke at the stench of some rotten fish. It’s a place of extremes, even with its brutal history… All of this for a country that is really only half a century old! Some places, like Kampot, only really got cars and proper roads 10 years ago!
We would go back, there are still hidden corners to explore, and many of those may not be around in their current state! for much longer! I must admit that one memory that I wish I could forget, is walking along the enormous scars of rubble, where jungle has once stood on Koh Rong Samloem… I don’t know how long it will remain a paradise, so get there soon!
Cambodia left its mark on us – especially on our feet and lungs (thanks, Ankor) – most people only go there for Siem Reap, but that is a huge mistake. I would favour going there over Thailand in a heartbeat!
Just… Maybe I’ll skip the fish cheese next time.
Stay bald folks.
Toodles,
Jack
